The Way of Companionship

By Rev. Mark Stephenson 

Executive Director, Pathways to Promise

In his book, Bowling Alone, Robert Putman wrote, “As a rough rule of thumb, if you belong to no groups, but decide to join one, you cut your risk of dying over the next year in half. If you smoke and belong to no groups, it’s a toss-up statistically whether you should stop smoking or start joining. These findings are in some ways heartening: it’s easier to join a group than to lose weight, exercise regularly, or quit smoking.” (Quoted in Zahniser and Rennebohm, Whole Community Pathways to Mental Health, p. 64.)

We humans need connection. When we connect deeply with another person, they benefit and so do we. The Way of Companionship shapes our way of being with others in the healthiest ways. 

Companionship is a way of presence, a relationship responding to isolation and suffering and supportive of healing and recovery. Companionship builds a circle of care with individuals. Companionship is rooted in our natural capacities as human beings to be sensitive, compassionate, and concerned.

I have had the privilege of companioning a number of people over the years. Several of these people have expressed their appreciation, but their comments really aren’t about me, but about the value of having someone who was fully present to them. One told me that they appreciated that I did not offer advice or try to “fix” them. Another said that being able to talk to an attentive listener helped them sort through their concerns. Another appreciated being accompanied rather than guided.  

Companionship is grounded in five principles. It is a basic human relationship between two equals. It is a response to suffering and is not about “fixing” someone. It is a public relationship, that is, it does not happen behind closed doors. It aims for mutuality. It recognizes our need for a circle of care and support. 

Companionship revolves around five practices: hospitality, neighboring, side by side, listening, and accompaniment. Over the next few months, I’ll describe these practices in greater detail. 

Happiness expert Arthur Brooks teaches that lasting happiness accompanies human connection. Profound, non-transactional love is essential to well-being. I invite you into Companionship by joining one of our Become a Companion workshops, which we offer online every other month. Join us! You’ll be happier, and so will the people you companion.