The Pastor's Role

The Pastor and the Person

This is not an unreasonable feeling. Robert Uken, a chaplain at Pine Rest Christian Hospital writes:

We do become uncomfortable and anxious when we don't know what to say or how to be helpful. The feeling of helplessness is powerful; rather than feel this discomfort, it is tempting to withdraw. We like to be able to pray and see God at work healing, but when this doesn't happen the way we expect, our own concept of prayer and God is challenged. To rethink, to wrestle with God as well as ourselves is a frightening task. The faith community enters the painful realm of suffering. There is the additional burden of unanswered and unanswerable "why?" How tempting it is to take the easier way of withdrawing or coming up with easy answers. How the faith community deals with persons with mental illness and their families depends on how well it deals with its own brokenness and the pain of life. Does the faith community give the impression that it is not okay to be less than perfect? When we are uncomfortable with our own humanness, our own faults, our own brokenness, it is easy to feel great discomfort being around other people who reveal some of the same human weaknesses and brokenness. In a sense, our own human vulnerability is mirrored by another person who more visibly evidences human frailty (Uken, 1986, 8).

If the person does have a mental illness, and the manifestations of the illness are readily apparent, it can be difficult to work with this person. The pastor may treat that person differently from others because the person often behaves differently from others. Because of symptoms of these disorders, people who have them may act in ways that cause discomfort, consternation or discord within the congregation. At times, people with one of these disorders are incapable of reaching out to others, and may rebuff any attempt to reach them. They may be fearful or accusatory toward anyone attempting to work with them. They may be apprehensive or embarrassed about how others may view their symptoms, such as agitation, pacing, or inability to concentrate, and refuse any contact. They may be grieving about the loss of a career, status in the community or their place in the family and refuse to be in contact with people who accentuate these feelings of loss. Family, friends, co-workers, classmates and congregants can have problems with this behavior. This type of behavior directed at a pastor can make him/her feel rejected, ambivalent or even hostile.

It is not "unloving," or lacking in compassion, to feel resentment toward someone who behaves in a way that is unpleasant and difficult. Realize that the person with mental illness is not always able to overcome the hurt, anger, frustration or dismay clergy and members of the congregation may experience. When taking into account the various manifestations of the illness, clergy should acknowledge the inner person. Clergy should try to find avenues to develop a working relationship with the person that allows him/her to make the appropriate referral and at the same time keeps the pastor engaged, if possible, with the person to attend to their spiritual needs.